Thursday 14^th May. Show Day.

Firstly, I was incredibly ill all day and I really thought all the confidence I had in my show had gone. I had no energy, I could barely speak and I had a few cries throughout the day into cups of coffee. I became frustrated with myself for being ill as I did not want to let down all the people who I have spoken to who were going to be in the audience. But it was knowing people had brought tickets to see my show that really made me pull through. Yes I was ill, but I was not going to let that hinder my performance.

The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fatty started at 7pm, and I was allowed in to my performance space at 5pm. I was incredibly nervous as I had to redo some of my tech as my script had changed since my last tech day. This did not become a problem thanks to the amazing tech crew at Lincoln Performing Arts Centre. Looking back at it now, ideally I would have finalised my script before tech day but I felt it needed improving and I would rather have a finished script I was happy with, and I was. My video was set up on a television outside studio one along with some bowls of crisps and a plate of cookies for the audience to help themselves to. My set was complete. I had the bed and side table all sorted with some of my chosen books which included William Blakes, Songs of Innocence and Experience (Blake, 2009). I chose to have his collection of poems as I feel the development of my show has been a real experience, and I have been the innocent within it. I also had a photo of myself with my childhood friend. I chose this photo because when we were growing up my friend had a troubled experience with her weight. She was diagnosed with Anorexia and I wanted to bring this along as a reminder that no matter what your weight, people still struggle to conform to this ideal image society wants us to be.

With the stage and tech ready to go, it was time to perform. I could a ripple of laughs coming from outside the studio doors as the audience were watching my video and it was at this moment that I thought, let’s do this. I picked up my can of hairspray and started to mime to Who’s Laughing Now, and the audience entered my headquarters. It may sound weird, but I cannot remember what I felt performing to the audience. I was just so happy performing in front of so many people, and people who I haven’t seen for nearly five years. I was happy about the fact the audience were laughing at my jokes. Which was reassuring considering that was one of my main worries about performing a comedy.  I mean, the dance could have gone better, but I tried my hardest and I remembered the moves. But most importantly, I proved that big girls can move and for that I will always be happy.

In reflection, if I was to improve my performance I would remember which side I was talking to my mum on when discussing the dance lessons. I noticed myself as soon as I did it that I swapped sides but I’m hoping this did not matter too much. In addition, if I was to extend my performance, I would talk about my room a little bit more and the fact that my sister and I shared a room. She would have her side and I would have mine and divide this with a very definitive line down the centre. I feel I could make this quite funny by crossing the line to reach another packet of crisps or a piece of clothing and a spotlight comes on with just a recording of her voice shouting, “Mum! Jess is on my side”. Furthermore, I would talk about my admiration for Dawn French and also Miranda Hart. I would link this in with a review I received about my performance of Scaramouche in my sixth forms show, We Will Rock You. I want to link this to the fact that even though I have the same skills and talent when I performed then, would I still be cast as her now? And the answer is probably not. I would more likely be cast as The Killer Queen who is much more exaggerated with her movements and size does not really matter for her physique.

Overall, I am really happy with how my performance went. I felt that I have achieved my aim which was to inform the audience that it is okay not to fit in and from the responses I received after my show, others said I have done this to. I have used my inspirations of Major Tom and Dawn French to form structure and comedy, and feel I have used the practitioners studied such as Marina Abramovic and Adrian Howells and focused on the performer spectator relationship. I wish I wasn’t ill on the day of my performance, but that is life for you.

As Dawn French says, “It’s about teaching people how to take you, how to accept you. You have to open people’s minds” (Eden, 2009), and I really hope The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fatty has done just this.

References

Blake, W. (2009). Songs of innocence and of experience. [Waiheke Island]: Floating Press.

Eden, R. (2009). Dawn French: Fat jokes are no laughing matter. [online] The Telegraph. Available at: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/6679022/Dawn-French-Fat-jokes-are-no-laughing-matter.html [Accessed 17 May 2015].

“If a dancer dances- which is not the same as having theories about dancing or wishing to dance or trying to dance or remembering in his body some else’s dance- but if the dancer dances, everything is there… Our ecstacy in dance comes from the possible gift of freedom, the exhilarating moment that this exposing of the bare energy can give us. What is meant is not license, but freedom… (Mercecunningham.org, 2015)

I asked Emily Nichols, a Dance and Drama student at the University of Lincoln, to teach me a dance and to give me lessons. She decided to teach me one of her Technique class exam pieces which was inspired by Merce Cunningham. Cunningham “was a leader of the American avant-garde throughout his seventy year career and is considered one of the most important choreographers of our time” (Mercecunningham.org, 2015). He was also considered America’s greatest dancer. Emily informed me that Cunningham liked to contrast the idea of straight lines and physique with the curve of the body. I found this quite interesting as I brake the normal criteria of the image of a dancer with my curves. 

pooping position (Spencer, 2015)

We started with Emily teaching me the dance, going very very slowly indeed. I started in first position and did a few points with my feet and I also learnt how to plie, or what I like to call, ‘the pooping position’. Then we introduced my chosen song which is The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy (Technohouse Remix). (Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy (Electrohouse Remix), 2012). 

Below are a few videos of myself and Emily dancing. Well, me trying to remember what she has taught me. This video shows my first practice and well, lets just say it did not go to plan. However, this conveys how far I will hopefully develop in my final solo performance.

Practicing the turn (Spencer, 2015).

 My first run after being taught everything (Spencer, 2015).

In reference to my previous blog post about Dawn French and her performance in The Mirror Dance, I see a lot of similarities, especially dancing with Emily. She’s the thin, perfectly poised dancer and I try to mirror her. However, like Dawn French I am not intentionally trying to be bad, I am actually trying to learn this dance and I hope to prove to my audience that I can dance.

References

Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy (Electrohouse Remix). (2012). Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chOtemRAYNc [Accessed 18 Apr. 2015].

Mercecunningham.org, (2015). Merce Cunningham – Merce Cunningham Trust. [online] Available at: http://www.mercecunningham.org/merce-cunningham/ [Accessed 1 May 2015].

Spencer, J. (2015). Dance Practice. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmhq8ZUs9j4 [Accessed 1 May 2015].

Spencer, J. (2015). Practicing the turn. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmkaSS_YKaw [Accessed 1 May 2015].

Fat performance.

“Fat performance is a broad term covering everything from mundane performances of fat individuals to staged performances of fatness. The latter includes both mainstream media performances that present fat people as grotesque, and fat-positive performances which aim to challenge preconceived stereotypes of fat and fat people.” (Hole, 2003)

It complexes me that fat performance is an actual term used to describe fat people acting or performing on stage. I don’t know about you but I find this absolutely ludicrous. Fat people should not have a genre of theatre to themselves just because they are of a larger size. If you want to perform, go and perform no matter what your size is. If you have the talent to do so, go and do it. This is my main inspiration for why I am performing a dance. I want to dance, so I am. I should not let my size get in the way of that.

Another beautiful quote from Becoming the Subject of Your Own Story: Creating Fat-positive Representations, was a reflection on Anne Hole’s quot about Dawn French.

“Hole analyzes the “body politics” of Dawn French’s collaboration with another comedian in the “French & Saunders series” as a performance based on a completely different type of politics. In different episodes, French and Saunders accentuate the physicality of their fat bodies by wearing skin-tight, flashy dresses (that are usually reserved for fashionably-thin women).” (Hole, 2003)

Firstly, I appologise for the clothes I wear. Especially on a night out. God only knows how offensive they are to others. I mean am I not allowed to look good? Yes I probably don’t wear “skin-tight” dresses, but I do wear dresses that make me feel good, and if that means I show a bit of flesh, then you will just have to deal with it. I am not going to dress ‘fat’ because my body is fat. I dress for myself, no one else.

In my performance, when I do dance, I had planned to wear a leotard because that is the normal dance attire. However, I do not want to accentuate my fat body, I want to feel comfortable because I am comfortable. I am not after a cheap laugh with my body. I want people to look at me dancing and hopefully go, shes ok. For this, I want to wear leggings and a over sized jumper because this is when I am most comfortable.

References

Hole, A. (2003). Performing identity: Dawn French and the funny fat female body. Feminist Media Studies, 3(3), pp.315-328.

Since researching Dawn French and Miranda Hart, I have been looking at other larger female idols such as Rebel Wilson in her hit movie Pitch Perfect and Melissa McCarthy in her hit films Bridesmaids Identity Thieve and The Heat.

What at I found similar between these two actresses is that they are both big, and that they play the funny side kick role as support actresses. In Pitch Perfect, Rebel plays a young college student called Amy, or Fat Amy, “so that people like you don’t make fun of me behind my back”. She addresses the fact that she is big from the very beginning. When I first saw this clip I was shocked because you shouldn’t have to state your size to someone you meet, they should like you for who you are. But then I realised, I always used to make jokes about my weight to fit in with new people and I related with Fat Amy in that aspect. One of Melissa McCarthy’s most remembered  film role was in Bridesmaids as Megan. Megan was a secret agent and was the Groom’s sister. She was the one that nobody wanted to be around because she did not fit in. She was an overweight, boyish character, very similar to the character Alan in The Hangover movies.However, Melissa McCarthy has now become so popular with the public that she is the female lead in films, such as Tammy. In addition, Rebel Wilson is too very popular with the public, and they are both considered comical geniuses.

In certain ways, I can relate to McCarthy and Wilson in the fact that I was always cast as the fat, funny sidekick in musicals or plays. For example, I was cast as Mabel in the musical Fame. I was really happy about this, I had my own solo and was considered one of the lead roles. What I did not realise was that underneath the name Mabel was the description, “worlds fattest dancer”. I mean, I did not mind, I was cast in the show. But I felt I had a pressure to be funny because if I didn’t joke about my size, I wouldn’t be comfortable with people laughing at me. One thing I have been thinking about, was when I was cast as Scaramouche in We Will Rock You. I was much slimmer in this role, but if I was to audition again with the same abilities as I did before, would I be cast as her again? Probably not. I would be cast as The Killer Queen, who is more voluptuous and much bigger in her presence.

“The problem of how the female comedian is to construct her own identity through her performance, for there remains the potential for the weight of traditional meanings to push the female body, and especially the fat female body, back into the place of object, or butt, of the comedy.” (Hole, 2003)

This, from my experience, is very true and is something that I will include in my performance. I want to state my size from the beginning just like Fat Amy, so that people won’t be laughing at my weight, but hopefully be laughing at the jokes I make.

References.

Hole, A. (2003). Performing identity: Dawn French and the funny fat female body. Feminist Media Studies, 3(3), pp.315-328.

Miranda Hart; actress, writer and comedian.

Miranda Hart www.bbc.co.uk

Miranda Hart has always had a special place in my heart ever since I was compared to her in a review for my performance of Scaramoche in We Will Rock You at the age of 18 years old. At this age, just like Miranda, I wasn’t fat. I was big. I had a very early growth spurt at the age of 12 and was 5ft, 8″ and I had size 8 feet by the time I was 13 years old. Miranda’s comedy show Miranda, plays off of the idea that she is big and clumsy, and she has a slapstick comedy style.

Most recently, she performed her first ever stand up comedy routine, which toured the United Kingdom and Australia. Just like Miranda, I am moving from theatre based acting and hoping to perform a stand up comedy routine. If any of you have seen Miranda, you notice that she talks a lot to the audience about various situations, and performs a lot with her face. Her facial expressions and her comedic timing is something I want to include in my performance, and something I will practice along the way.