Thursday 14^th May. Show Day.

Firstly, I was incredibly ill all day and I really thought all the confidence I had in my show had gone. I had no energy, I could barely speak and I had a few cries throughout the day into cups of coffee. I became frustrated with myself for being ill as I did not want to let down all the people who I have spoken to who were going to be in the audience. But it was knowing people had brought tickets to see my show that really made me pull through. Yes I was ill, but I was not going to let that hinder my performance.

The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fatty started at 7pm, and I was allowed in to my performance space at 5pm. I was incredibly nervous as I had to redo some of my tech as my script had changed since my last tech day. This did not become a problem thanks to the amazing tech crew at Lincoln Performing Arts Centre. Looking back at it now, ideally I would have finalised my script before tech day but I felt it needed improving and I would rather have a finished script I was happy with, and I was. My video was set up on a television outside studio one along with some bowls of crisps and a plate of cookies for the audience to help themselves to. My set was complete. I had the bed and side table all sorted with some of my chosen books which included William Blakes, Songs of Innocence and Experience (Blake, 2009). I chose to have his collection of poems as I feel the development of my show has been a real experience, and I have been the innocent within it. I also had a photo of myself with my childhood friend. I chose this photo because when we were growing up my friend had a troubled experience with her weight. She was diagnosed with Anorexia and I wanted to bring this along as a reminder that no matter what your weight, people still struggle to conform to this ideal image society wants us to be.

With the stage and tech ready to go, it was time to perform. I could a ripple of laughs coming from outside the studio doors as the audience were watching my video and it was at this moment that I thought, let’s do this. I picked up my can of hairspray and started to mime to Who’s Laughing Now, and the audience entered my headquarters. It may sound weird, but I cannot remember what I felt performing to the audience. I was just so happy performing in front of so many people, and people who I haven’t seen for nearly five years. I was happy about the fact the audience were laughing at my jokes. Which was reassuring considering that was one of my main worries about performing a comedy.  I mean, the dance could have gone better, but I tried my hardest and I remembered the moves. But most importantly, I proved that big girls can move and for that I will always be happy.

In reflection, if I was to improve my performance I would remember which side I was talking to my mum on when discussing the dance lessons. I noticed myself as soon as I did it that I swapped sides but I’m hoping this did not matter too much. In addition, if I was to extend my performance, I would talk about my room a little bit more and the fact that my sister and I shared a room. She would have her side and I would have mine and divide this with a very definitive line down the centre. I feel I could make this quite funny by crossing the line to reach another packet of crisps or a piece of clothing and a spotlight comes on with just a recording of her voice shouting, “Mum! Jess is on my side”. Furthermore, I would talk about my admiration for Dawn French and also Miranda Hart. I would link this in with a review I received about my performance of Scaramouche in my sixth forms show, We Will Rock You. I want to link this to the fact that even though I have the same skills and talent when I performed then, would I still be cast as her now? And the answer is probably not. I would more likely be cast as The Killer Queen who is much more exaggerated with her movements and size does not really matter for her physique.

Overall, I am really happy with how my performance went. I felt that I have achieved my aim which was to inform the audience that it is okay not to fit in and from the responses I received after my show, others said I have done this to. I have used my inspirations of Major Tom and Dawn French to form structure and comedy, and feel I have used the practitioners studied such as Marina Abramovic and Adrian Howells and focused on the performer spectator relationship. I wish I wasn’t ill on the day of my performance, but that is life for you.

As Dawn French says, “It’s about teaching people how to take you, how to accept you. You have to open people’s minds” (Eden, 2009), and I really hope The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fatty has done just this.

References

Blake, W. (2009). Songs of innocence and of experience. [Waiheke Island]: Floating Press.

Eden, R. (2009). Dawn French: Fat jokes are no laughing matter. [online] The Telegraph. Available at: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/6679022/Dawn-French-Fat-jokes-are-no-laughing-matter.html [Accessed 17 May 2015].

[Jessie J Who’s Laughing Now plays. Perform in front of the mirror]

[Craig voice over]

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Lincoln Performing Arts Centre.

Please can I remind you to turn off your mobile phones and that flash photography is not permitted.

The flash is very unflattering. If you do choice to to take a photo and upload it to Instagram, then please use the Valencia filter

WARNING- Do not feed the Fatty. She may bite.

Thank you, and enjoy this evenings performance of The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fatty.

[Jessica] Rude…

My whole life I’ve been picked on for my size. I’ve been called Fat, Beast. Whale.

Jess is so fat, that when she goes swimming in the sea, people mistake her for an island.

Jess is so fat, that when we talk about pie charts in Maths, she gets excited. Because she thinks its pie.

Get it

[Forced laugh]

Really?

One of my personal favourite was Big Jess. I mean, what a way to state the obvious. This then got abbreviated to BJ. (Miming blow job action) B…J! well, if someone said that to me now I’d be like yeah, sure. Drop your trousers. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done it in public. But that is another performance for past the watershed.

The point is I was bullied because of my size, even though I was not fat. Big, yes. But not fat. I mean i had an early growth spurt and was 5ft 8 when I was in year 7 and I had size 8 feet by the time I was 12 years old. Size 9 now. I didn’t fit in to the guidelines that society created, well, what my so called friends created. I wasn’t normal according to them. And I’m still not normal. I’m a fat drama student. But I’m okay with that and I’m hope you are too.

Good, well you’re going to have to be. If not you kinda missed the clue in the tittle. I mean I could have lied and said “the dance of the sugar plum beauty- who graces the stage, weighing only ninety pounds with her grace and elegance and only consumes air collected from the Welsh Mountains. But I somehow don’t think I could get away with that.

But your probably wondering why you’re in my bedroom. I mean I would if I was you. But this is my little thinking hub. It’s kinda like the headquarters for all the stuff that goes through my brain. For example

1) Did the dog just wink at me? Do you think it can hear what i’m saying in my head. Wink again for yes…

or

2) If I chuck the cat out of my window, will she land on her feet? The answer to that is yes, yes she will land on her feet but I do not recommend this scientific experiment.

Most recently, I sat in my bed and thought, why don’t I dance for my solo performance.

At the time, this sounded like a great idea. I’ve always wanted to be a dancer. I want to be that triple threat. I even asked my mum when I was younger for dance lessons. [Look at mum who is shorter than me.]

Mum… please can I have dance lessons. Oh please. Mum, mum can I have ballet lessons pleeaassee…. My mums response to that was “HA HA HA. Could you imagine yourself dancing. You’d look like a hippo trying to dance”.

I thought, okay, maybe ballet is not the way to go, what about Tap. [Look down to my mum] please please can I have tap lessons? Her response, “HA HA HA… You’d be as good as a snake trying to tap dance”. I looked at her confused then realised she thought she was funny because snakes don’t have legs. Well done mother dearest. Always trying to be funny.

But I did get my way. I became a member at Trevonne’s Dance School, and became a member of the Musical Theatre Class. I got to sing, act and dance my way to become that triple threat. But that didn’t last long. I managed to get to grade four with honours before my mum told me it was a waste of time and I should focus on a proper career.

But that didn’t stop me. I joined the shows at my school. One of my earliest shows was Fame. I don’t know if you know Fame but I was cast as Mabel. I was like, yeah… Mabel. I then read the description underneath the name Mabel and it said “WORLDS FATTEST DANCER”. [Look at audience] I was okay with that. I was a dancer. The world’s fattest but that didn’t bother me.

And now I am here, sitting in my Headquarters thinking FUCK because what I haven’t told you is that, I never really was a great dancer, and now I’ve said i’m going to dance I kind of had to learn. Queue the intense dancing regime.

[Rocky music plays. Do some stretches then sit on bed eating a packet of crisps.]

[The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy music plays. Dance]

End of show.

Tech day did not go to plan for me. I knew exactly what I wanted lights wise and when for it to happen, but I was still editing my script because I was not fully happy with the way it read. This caused some problems with the programmed queues, but I would rather be happy about my script and have a less complicated tech.

Firstly, I wanted to create a natural feel. I wanted a slightly warm wash to represent the artificial lights used in a bedroom. I felt that if I used a wash, it would convey the welcoming atmosphere I am trying to create.

The only coloured light I want to use is when Craig Morrow’s voice over says “Warning! Do not feed the fatty. She may bite”. I feel this will add to the comedy of the voice over. It also makes the audience more engaged, as the lights have changed suddenly and make them hopefully listen further as I will have their attention.

Finally, for my finale dance scene, I wanted all the focus to be on me. I want a very harsh spotlight centre stage and back light to come on straight away with no fade. I felt that this would suddenly change the mood from something light hearted to something that the audience would see I am being serious about. Once I have finished my dance I want a flash of white light and to go into an instant black out to indicate the end of my performance.

Here is the video I edited with all of the filming of my rehearsals and even interviews with friends. I wanted to interview my closest friends because they know me well and they are not afraid to me the truth. I felt that interviewing them would also give audience members who do not know me a chance to see what I am like from another perspective, instead of them just judging me as a performer.

The three questions I asked all interviewed were:

1. What do you think about my idea?
2. Have you ever experienced a time in your life where you didn’t fit in to the ideal image society has created?
3. Do you think I am going to be able to complete this dance?

I asked these certain questions, especially question two as I am wanting the audience to relate to my performance. Yes they may not be big or have the desire to dance, but anyone who does not conform to this ideal image can relate, and from the responses I got from the interviewee’s were phenomenal. Every single person I asked, including those who I did not film, experienced some form of not conforming. I have started to feel that this performance is not only for me, but it is for everyone who ever felt less than they should of and I hope to convey this through my performance now.

Outside- An edited version of my videos will play outside Studio one. Free snacks for the audience to help themselves to.

Pre Set- Audience enter Studio one. I am performing in front of my mirror to Jessie J’s Who’s Laughing Now. Dr Morrow’s recording plays.

Ladies andGentlemen, welcome to Lincoln Performing Arts Centre.

Please can I remind you to turn off your mobile phones and that flash photography is not permitted.

The flash is very unflattering. If you do choice to to take a photo and upload it to Instagram, then please use the Valencia filter

WARNING- Do not feed the Fatty. She may bite.

Thank you, and enjoy this evenings performance of The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fatty

(Jessica speaking)

Rude…

My whole life I’ve been picked on for my size. I’ve been called Fatty, Beast. Whale. Even jokes made up about me.

Jess is so fat, that when she goes swimming in the sea, people mistake her for an island. Or…

Jess is so fat, that when we talk about pie charts in Maths, she gets excited. Because she thinks its pie.

Get it

(Forced fake laugh)

Really?

One of my personal favourite was Big Jess. I mean, what a way to state the obvious. This then got abbreviated to BJ. (Miming blow job action) B…J! well, if someone said that to me now I’d be like yeah, sure drop your trousers. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done it in public. But that is another performance for past the watershed.

The point is, I was bullied because of my size, even though I was not fat. Big, yes. But not fat. I mean I had an early growth spurt and was 5ft 8 when I was in year 7 and I had size 8 feet by the time I was 12 years old. Size 9 now. I didn’t fit in to the guidelines that society created, well, what my so called friends created. I wasn’t normal according to them. And I’m still not normal. I’m a fat drama student. But I’m okay with that and I’m hope you are too.

Good, well you’re going to have to be. If not you kinda missed the clue in the tittle. I mean I could have lied and said “the dance of the sugar plum beauty- who graces the stage with her elegance and only consumes air collected from the Welsh Mountains. But I somehow don’t think I could get away with that.

At the moment I am happy with the way my script is developing. It’s nice to see my ideas move from my head and be on paper. For me, however, I need this performance to be quite natural. The jokes will not work it they sound forced so I won’t be relying on my script heavily. It is just to see which part of my show works where and when.